So now what do I do?

I kept thinking that I need to blog, but according to the title of this blog I should be done. I finished treatment for my cancer in May. Yep, I'm done. It's over. The fat lady sang. Adios. See ya. Epilogue time? Not enough time has passed for a true epilogue, but maybe a short summary of the events so far. As stated previously I finished treatment in Texas. I rang the bell announcing I was done. Ron and Sally came with me and I hugged my radiation therapists, smiled for the camera, teared up a little, and left the building. We celebrated with the most fabulous dinner-truffle mac n cheese and flaming bananas foster were the definite highlights. I had a follow up visit with the plastic surgeon, but that was it. At MD Anderson they don't tell you that you are free of cancer. They just tell you that you are free to go home. So I went home. Going home was like going to mommy boot camp. I had been a spoiled princess at Sally & Ron's house. At home the kids wanted to eat...all the time. Then they had dirty laundry...everyday. They needed rides to school, lunches packed, dentist appointments, rides to sports, money for everything, and help with homework. Jeez, I had really had it easy just taking care of me. The question remained, what do I do now? I'm not the girl with cancer anymore-which is awesome. Remember the double rainbow video on Youtube? Bear kept saying, "What does it all mean?" I think that cancer was my double rainbow moment and now I have to figure out what it means. Write a book? Volunteer to help kids with cancer? Help others going through treatment? In August I have my first post-cancer visit in Texas. Until then I am going to enjoy my health, my family, and my life.

Easy Bake Oven

Italia got a new deluxe easy bake oven for Christmas. Yes, it functions just like the old one where a light bulb magically cooks tiny little cakes and cookies to perfection. Not really perfection though, more like gooey in the middle and a little crusty around the edges. I too feel as though I have been placed in an easy bake oven. For the last 5 weeks I have been getting cooked by these beams that do not give off any heat, but the results have made me a little gooey and a little crusty. I scare people at the airport with my muppet arms and my huge band aid that doesn't quite cover the burns rising up my neck. People have a hard time discerning whether I am a burn victim or a germ o phobe. Apparently they also have a hard time discerning that I am a female. On my last trip home the TSA agent said to me, "Young man, you need to move along." You can imagine my shock along with my embarrassment. I was frozen in place looking at the man and wondering how he could possibly think that I was a man. Was it the drastically short hair cut? Was it the flat chested look I have recently adopted? Or was it his nearsighted, ignorant self? I was hurt for a moment, but then I decided to forgive the poor man. At least he called me "young."

Tribal Woman Warrior meets Han Solo who returns to the Vampire Lounge

Last week I returned to the vampire lounge. It was definitely a new experience. Since I had a double mastectomy and axillary node dissection I cannot have blood drawn the traditional way. I mentioned this before that my blood is now drawn from my feet-gross. This time I had to submit 4 full vials of blood for a clinical trial. Yes, 4 FULL vials. It took three nurses, two holes in my foot, followed by the geyser in my ankle. Let's just say that I would be happy to never repeat that process.
The good news is that week one of radiation done. I was informed about the process and the long term commitment. I signed on the dotted line excited to get this phase of treatment done. What I didn't expect was how I would look or how the machinery would look. Other institutions tattoo little dots on you to line up the radiation beams, but not MD Anderson. They tattoo other parts of the body, but the breast cancer patients are special.
At my first appointment I laid down on a CT table while three therapists and a doctor stood over me and began to come up with my treatment plan. I have already divulged what a nervous chatty catty I can be, and that I do not like uncomfortable silences when I am the center of attention. As the three therapists stood over me I was able to extract from them their entire life stories. Yes, two had children(one baby 8 months old / the other a boy and a girl ages 10 & 12). The other tech was a student completing his externship. I know where they all went to school and how long they have been married. I did not ask their favorite color, but maybe next time.
While I was chatting away they were drawing all over my torso. They used Sharpie paint pens that sounded like a spray paint can being shook. I have four beautiful colors(blue, coral, black, & hot pink) from my belly button up to my neck. I feel like a tribal warrior who needs a large bone through my nose. I get strange looks on the street, but it is better than having no hair and eyebrows. They also made me a cradle. The cradle is similar to a bean bag, but once it conforms to your body it is freeze dried. Then every time you come in for radiation they get out your cradle and you lie in it. I like to think of it as my little playpen.
Once my drawing was complete I moved on to the next phase of treatment-the actual radiation. I feel a little like Han Solo when he was frozen in carbonite. The room has these huge machines that rotate around you and I wear goggles with a computer image reflected through them. It is a fascinating process filled with electrons and protons.
Next up-clinical trials-who knew I wouldn't mind being a lab rat.

Muppets & Puppets

As I stated in the last blog surgery was a success. Sally Kim nursed me back to health with fabulous food and care. There are no secrets between us now, she has been a trooper through every visit, asking all the difficult questions, and even playing nurse Nightingale. Yes, she bandaged me and even helped put this Humpty Dumpty body back together.
When I had been out of surgery for a few days she went to the Breast Cancer store to buy me a camisole. The camisole had special pouches for my drains and came with prosthesis to replace what had been removed.
Well, it was a shock, let me tell you. You have to pull this flesh colored contraption up over your feet, your knees, hips, and then put your drains in the pouches that velcro on. Since the garmet has to go over your lower half they suggest you go a size up from your normal size. My regular size is a medum-so I got a large. Sally Kim helped me slip into it(we never really thought we would be This Close). Drains in the pouches, slide the straps over the shoulders, and the pièce de résistance(the prosthesis).
Since my garment was a large they gave me large prosthesis to go in the camisole. Holy cow! They were huge! I mean huge! When I was a little girl my grandma gave me a Miss Piggy puppet-I felt like Miss Piggy and Dolly Parton combined. My chest led the way everywhere I went. They were just out there...way out there. I have already retired them, but I feel like they should be on display at a museum. Look ladies, for the low price of $40.00 you too can be any size you desire. Add to that my Muppet sleeves I wear for lymphadema I am looking fantastic.
Next thing you know I'll be singing Justin Timberlake(Not "Cry Me a River") as my hair is starting to curl like his in his early career(before he was stylish).
Thank goodness surgery is done and the next chapter-radiation-is waiting for me. Now I might look like a sunburned Miss Piggy/Justin Timberlake.

Take Back, Do Over, Mulligan

I am happy to report that I had surgery and I am done with slicing and dicing for now. I am going to move on to the next phase of my treatment which will include radiation and a possible clinical trial.
Since I like to do things the hard way(that is what my momma always said) I decided to apply that principle to my surgery too. Yes, the first surgery was canceled due to suspicious spots on my bones. It was rescheduled-but of course I was the .04% who had their lung punctured and surgery had to wait again. Alas, surgery on Feb 20th was a success-well sort of. Dr. Babiera was fabulous, she removed 42 lymph nodes from the left side(35 had cancer) and 27 from the right(only 4 had cancer). I now have widely clean margins-yes I have widely clean margins. Woohoo!!! Dr. Adelman was able to perform a little miracle and put in tissue expanders. I was set to go.
I had a little trouble during recovery. I am kind of a light weight so the drugs for pain make me barf and I was light headed and woozy. Dr. Sohn said I needed to walk around. Easy for him to say, and he kept saying it, every hour. Every time I tried to walk around I collapsed. Now, those of you who know me well know that I had to try and prove to Dr. Sohn how tough I was. Unfortunately, I wasn't that tough. It turns out, it wasn't me though(haha). I had a bleeder-they nicked an artery and I had to go back in for another surgery on Wednesday and a blood transfusion. I always tell my children to do things right the first time and my students too. I guess I forgot to tell the doctor because I had to go back in for what they term a "take back." Yes, they use the term "take back" and if they have to redo that it is called a "take back-do over." The language we learned on the playground is still applicable as an adult. I think they should rename it "oopsy" or something a little more catchy, maybe "eeny meeny miny moe." Needless to say it turned out great.
They took those little devilish cancer cells out of me and are now going to radiate the last stragglers. The song "Closing Time" applies well here.
"Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here
So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend
Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, yeah."
Next time I'll tell you about my muppet suit and lymphedema-fabulous stuff

Word of the Day-VOMIT

No, I don't mean the stuff that spews from your mouth, I mean the acronym the doctor gave me at the hospital on Monday. Before I get into that I need to backtrack a little.
Remember the last blog when I said I didn't want to jinx anything, well I did. I flew into Texas on Thursday, had pre-op on Friday and I was all clear for surgery. Sally, Ron and I went to a movie, then dinner, and relaxed. The plan was set into motion. Then I got a call from my surgeon on Saturday saying that there was an abnormal level of hormones in my pregnancy test and I had to come in for a blood test before they would do surgery. Goodness gracious, possible pregnancy? I was laughing on the phone and the doctor wanted to know what was so funny.I think I lost my mind a little and it was the giggle of the deranged I was emitting. Babies, breast cancer, and back boobs. The alliteration is just so fitting.
Monday morning arrived and I checked in at 8am for a blood test-to confirm that I was NOT pregnant. It took a couple of hours, but in that time I checked into pre-op. I dressed in my gown, got marks drawn on me, met with both my doctors, and the anesthesiologist. He was a nice man who explained the general anesthesia and another technique, a blocker. The blocker is similar to an epidural, yes I would be asleep, but he would also numb the chest area so I would have less pain up to 5 days after surgery. Since I tend to get very ill from pain meds this was a great option.
Complications, yes I asked. There is a .04% chance that you can get pneumothorax, which is when the lung is punctured and can collapse.
I agreed to the blocker, kissed my husband goodbye, and got ready to be drugged. I had to sit on the side of the bed holding a pillow to my front while the nurse held me up. On the bed next to me was a smorgasbord of medications. Low and behold, there was the Michael Jackson drug, next to many others, and two huge needles, I mean huge, for the blocker. I remember sitting on the bed and that was it.
Next thing I know there is my surgeon and the anesthesiologist. I realized that we were in the same room I started out in. They told my that during the blocker procedure my lung had been punctured and they could not proceed with surgery. Oh my gosh, there came that deranged little giggle again. The doctor thought I was loopy, I was, but it was really funny too. I named my lost blog "2nd Times a Charm, Or is it the 3rd?" It has to be the third because that is the number I am on now.
So my lung was punctured, I was admitted to the pulmonary unit of the hospital for overnight observation. I got to ride in an ambulance for the 1/2 mile trek(which I asked if I could walk, but that is against the rules).
Upon my check in Dr. Sohn informed me of VOMIT. It means a Victims OF Modern Imaging Technology. I have had so many scans and the first delayed surgery because the doctors are too good and thorough. This delay was because I was one .04% who get their lung punctured. I would rather be the 1% that the Occupy movement is against, but alas, I am not.
Now I will have another x-ray on Thursday(number 4) to determine the state of my pneumothorax. If it has cleared up I am scheduled for surgery on Monday, but don't hold your breath, pun intended. In the meantime I am not allowed to fly, scuba dive, or mountain climb. What is a girl to do for fun?

Second Time's A Charm, Or Is It the 3rd?

Alas, here I am again. It has been quite a while since I blogged, but I didn't want to jinx anything. I have been thoroughly cleared by MD Anderson to get a double mastectomy next week. Yes, I was supposed to have surgery a couple of weeks ago, but they found some suspicious spots on my pelvis and spine that needed clearing up. The spots were abnormalities seen on an x-ray that needed two MRI's to rule out metastasis. I am happy to report that it has been ruled out and I am cleared for surgery. I never thought I would be so happy to get lopped and chopped. During one of my MRI's I saw things I hope to never see again. There was a man(at least 80 years old) who seemed to disregard the fact that his gown opened to the back and he was not wearing anything underneath. It was very disconcerting to see him in all his glory.
So I have pre-op this week and then surgery next week...Since I have already had a double mastectomy will this be a quadruple? Weird, but maybe true. I have not heard of many people having two double mastectomies, but I always did like to do things the hard way.
Since this will be a another surgery there will also be more reconstruction options to consider. Some of them need their own post. You would not believe where they will take tissue from to make new boobs. There really isn't any space that they don't consider-stomach(nice it doubles as a tummy tuck), buttocks(bonus, lipo without lipo), inner thighs(again, bonus), but wait...the back. Yes, a lat flap surgery is very common unless they need to place tissue expanders in your back to make the skin in the front. Yes, you read correctly, tissue expanders in the back to make boobs in the front. You know what that means? They give you boobs on your back. As if all of this isn't humiliating enough you get back boobs. I guess tank tops are out for the summer. I really think I would have to draw the line in the sand at that point. Or I would have to move to Alaska and wear sweaters for 6 months.
The plastic surgeon I met with went to Yale and NYU. He is a super smarty pants and I like him, but he's not the one who would have back boobs-gross. So we will have to explore some other options, and I thought losing my hair was bad.