So now what do I do?

I kept thinking that I need to blog, but according to the title of this blog I should be done. I finished treatment for my cancer in May. Yep, I'm done. It's over. The fat lady sang. Adios. See ya. Epilogue time? Not enough time has passed for a true epilogue, but maybe a short summary of the events so far. As stated previously I finished treatment in Texas. I rang the bell announcing I was done. Ron and Sally came with me and I hugged my radiation therapists, smiled for the camera, teared up a little, and left the building. We celebrated with the most fabulous dinner-truffle mac n cheese and flaming bananas foster were the definite highlights. I had a follow up visit with the plastic surgeon, but that was it. At MD Anderson they don't tell you that you are free of cancer. They just tell you that you are free to go home. So I went home. Going home was like going to mommy boot camp. I had been a spoiled princess at Sally & Ron's house. At home the kids wanted to eat...all the time. Then they had dirty laundry...everyday. They needed rides to school, lunches packed, dentist appointments, rides to sports, money for everything, and help with homework. Jeez, I had really had it easy just taking care of me. The question remained, what do I do now? I'm not the girl with cancer anymore-which is awesome. Remember the double rainbow video on Youtube? Bear kept saying, "What does it all mean?" I think that cancer was my double rainbow moment and now I have to figure out what it means. Write a book? Volunteer to help kids with cancer? Help others going through treatment? In August I have my first post-cancer visit in Texas. Until then I am going to enjoy my health, my family, and my life.

Easy Bake Oven

Italia got a new deluxe easy bake oven for Christmas. Yes, it functions just like the old one where a light bulb magically cooks tiny little cakes and cookies to perfection. Not really perfection though, more like gooey in the middle and a little crusty around the edges. I too feel as though I have been placed in an easy bake oven. For the last 5 weeks I have been getting cooked by these beams that do not give off any heat, but the results have made me a little gooey and a little crusty. I scare people at the airport with my muppet arms and my huge band aid that doesn't quite cover the burns rising up my neck. People have a hard time discerning whether I am a burn victim or a germ o phobe. Apparently they also have a hard time discerning that I am a female. On my last trip home the TSA agent said to me, "Young man, you need to move along." You can imagine my shock along with my embarrassment. I was frozen in place looking at the man and wondering how he could possibly think that I was a man. Was it the drastically short hair cut? Was it the flat chested look I have recently adopted? Or was it his nearsighted, ignorant self? I was hurt for a moment, but then I decided to forgive the poor man. At least he called me "young."

Tribal Woman Warrior meets Han Solo who returns to the Vampire Lounge

Last week I returned to the vampire lounge. It was definitely a new experience. Since I had a double mastectomy and axillary node dissection I cannot have blood drawn the traditional way. I mentioned this before that my blood is now drawn from my feet-gross. This time I had to submit 4 full vials of blood for a clinical trial. Yes, 4 FULL vials. It took three nurses, two holes in my foot, followed by the geyser in my ankle. Let's just say that I would be happy to never repeat that process.
The good news is that week one of radiation done. I was informed about the process and the long term commitment. I signed on the dotted line excited to get this phase of treatment done. What I didn't expect was how I would look or how the machinery would look. Other institutions tattoo little dots on you to line up the radiation beams, but not MD Anderson. They tattoo other parts of the body, but the breast cancer patients are special.
At my first appointment I laid down on a CT table while three therapists and a doctor stood over me and began to come up with my treatment plan. I have already divulged what a nervous chatty catty I can be, and that I do not like uncomfortable silences when I am the center of attention. As the three therapists stood over me I was able to extract from them their entire life stories. Yes, two had children(one baby 8 months old / the other a boy and a girl ages 10 & 12). The other tech was a student completing his externship. I know where they all went to school and how long they have been married. I did not ask their favorite color, but maybe next time.
While I was chatting away they were drawing all over my torso. They used Sharpie paint pens that sounded like a spray paint can being shook. I have four beautiful colors(blue, coral, black, & hot pink) from my belly button up to my neck. I feel like a tribal warrior who needs a large bone through my nose. I get strange looks on the street, but it is better than having no hair and eyebrows. They also made me a cradle. The cradle is similar to a bean bag, but once it conforms to your body it is freeze dried. Then every time you come in for radiation they get out your cradle and you lie in it. I like to think of it as my little playpen.
Once my drawing was complete I moved on to the next phase of treatment-the actual radiation. I feel a little like Han Solo when he was frozen in carbonite. The room has these huge machines that rotate around you and I wear goggles with a computer image reflected through them. It is a fascinating process filled with electrons and protons.
Next up-clinical trials-who knew I wouldn't mind being a lab rat.

Muppets & Puppets

As I stated in the last blog surgery was a success. Sally Kim nursed me back to health with fabulous food and care. There are no secrets between us now, she has been a trooper through every visit, asking all the difficult questions, and even playing nurse Nightingale. Yes, she bandaged me and even helped put this Humpty Dumpty body back together.
When I had been out of surgery for a few days she went to the Breast Cancer store to buy me a camisole. The camisole had special pouches for my drains and came with prosthesis to replace what had been removed.
Well, it was a shock, let me tell you. You have to pull this flesh colored contraption up over your feet, your knees, hips, and then put your drains in the pouches that velcro on. Since the garmet has to go over your lower half they suggest you go a size up from your normal size. My regular size is a medum-so I got a large. Sally Kim helped me slip into it(we never really thought we would be This Close). Drains in the pouches, slide the straps over the shoulders, and the pièce de résistance(the prosthesis).
Since my garment was a large they gave me large prosthesis to go in the camisole. Holy cow! They were huge! I mean huge! When I was a little girl my grandma gave me a Miss Piggy puppet-I felt like Miss Piggy and Dolly Parton combined. My chest led the way everywhere I went. They were just out there...way out there. I have already retired them, but I feel like they should be on display at a museum. Look ladies, for the low price of $40.00 you too can be any size you desire. Add to that my Muppet sleeves I wear for lymphadema I am looking fantastic.
Next thing you know I'll be singing Justin Timberlake(Not "Cry Me a River") as my hair is starting to curl like his in his early career(before he was stylish).
Thank goodness surgery is done and the next chapter-radiation-is waiting for me. Now I might look like a sunburned Miss Piggy/Justin Timberlake.

Take Back, Do Over, Mulligan

I am happy to report that I had surgery and I am done with slicing and dicing for now. I am going to move on to the next phase of my treatment which will include radiation and a possible clinical trial.
Since I like to do things the hard way(that is what my momma always said) I decided to apply that principle to my surgery too. Yes, the first surgery was canceled due to suspicious spots on my bones. It was rescheduled-but of course I was the .04% who had their lung punctured and surgery had to wait again. Alas, surgery on Feb 20th was a success-well sort of. Dr. Babiera was fabulous, she removed 42 lymph nodes from the left side(35 had cancer) and 27 from the right(only 4 had cancer). I now have widely clean margins-yes I have widely clean margins. Woohoo!!! Dr. Adelman was able to perform a little miracle and put in tissue expanders. I was set to go.
I had a little trouble during recovery. I am kind of a light weight so the drugs for pain make me barf and I was light headed and woozy. Dr. Sohn said I needed to walk around. Easy for him to say, and he kept saying it, every hour. Every time I tried to walk around I collapsed. Now, those of you who know me well know that I had to try and prove to Dr. Sohn how tough I was. Unfortunately, I wasn't that tough. It turns out, it wasn't me though(haha). I had a bleeder-they nicked an artery and I had to go back in for another surgery on Wednesday and a blood transfusion. I always tell my children to do things right the first time and my students too. I guess I forgot to tell the doctor because I had to go back in for what they term a "take back." Yes, they use the term "take back" and if they have to redo that it is called a "take back-do over." The language we learned on the playground is still applicable as an adult. I think they should rename it "oopsy" or something a little more catchy, maybe "eeny meeny miny moe." Needless to say it turned out great.
They took those little devilish cancer cells out of me and are now going to radiate the last stragglers. The song "Closing Time" applies well here.
"Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here
So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend
Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, yeah."
Next time I'll tell you about my muppet suit and lymphedema-fabulous stuff

Word of the Day-VOMIT

No, I don't mean the stuff that spews from your mouth, I mean the acronym the doctor gave me at the hospital on Monday. Before I get into that I need to backtrack a little.
Remember the last blog when I said I didn't want to jinx anything, well I did. I flew into Texas on Thursday, had pre-op on Friday and I was all clear for surgery. Sally, Ron and I went to a movie, then dinner, and relaxed. The plan was set into motion. Then I got a call from my surgeon on Saturday saying that there was an abnormal level of hormones in my pregnancy test and I had to come in for a blood test before they would do surgery. Goodness gracious, possible pregnancy? I was laughing on the phone and the doctor wanted to know what was so funny.I think I lost my mind a little and it was the giggle of the deranged I was emitting. Babies, breast cancer, and back boobs. The alliteration is just so fitting.
Monday morning arrived and I checked in at 8am for a blood test-to confirm that I was NOT pregnant. It took a couple of hours, but in that time I checked into pre-op. I dressed in my gown, got marks drawn on me, met with both my doctors, and the anesthesiologist. He was a nice man who explained the general anesthesia and another technique, a blocker. The blocker is similar to an epidural, yes I would be asleep, but he would also numb the chest area so I would have less pain up to 5 days after surgery. Since I tend to get very ill from pain meds this was a great option.
Complications, yes I asked. There is a .04% chance that you can get pneumothorax, which is when the lung is punctured and can collapse.
I agreed to the blocker, kissed my husband goodbye, and got ready to be drugged. I had to sit on the side of the bed holding a pillow to my front while the nurse held me up. On the bed next to me was a smorgasbord of medications. Low and behold, there was the Michael Jackson drug, next to many others, and two huge needles, I mean huge, for the blocker. I remember sitting on the bed and that was it.
Next thing I know there is my surgeon and the anesthesiologist. I realized that we were in the same room I started out in. They told my that during the blocker procedure my lung had been punctured and they could not proceed with surgery. Oh my gosh, there came that deranged little giggle again. The doctor thought I was loopy, I was, but it was really funny too. I named my lost blog "2nd Times a Charm, Or is it the 3rd?" It has to be the third because that is the number I am on now.
So my lung was punctured, I was admitted to the pulmonary unit of the hospital for overnight observation. I got to ride in an ambulance for the 1/2 mile trek(which I asked if I could walk, but that is against the rules).
Upon my check in Dr. Sohn informed me of VOMIT. It means a Victims OF Modern Imaging Technology. I have had so many scans and the first delayed surgery because the doctors are too good and thorough. This delay was because I was one .04% who get their lung punctured. I would rather be the 1% that the Occupy movement is against, but alas, I am not.
Now I will have another x-ray on Thursday(number 4) to determine the state of my pneumothorax. If it has cleared up I am scheduled for surgery on Monday, but don't hold your breath, pun intended. In the meantime I am not allowed to fly, scuba dive, or mountain climb. What is a girl to do for fun?

Second Time's A Charm, Or Is It the 3rd?

Alas, here I am again. It has been quite a while since I blogged, but I didn't want to jinx anything. I have been thoroughly cleared by MD Anderson to get a double mastectomy next week. Yes, I was supposed to have surgery a couple of weeks ago, but they found some suspicious spots on my pelvis and spine that needed clearing up. The spots were abnormalities seen on an x-ray that needed two MRI's to rule out metastasis. I am happy to report that it has been ruled out and I am cleared for surgery. I never thought I would be so happy to get lopped and chopped. During one of my MRI's I saw things I hope to never see again. There was a man(at least 80 years old) who seemed to disregard the fact that his gown opened to the back and he was not wearing anything underneath. It was very disconcerting to see him in all his glory.
So I have pre-op this week and then surgery next week...Since I have already had a double mastectomy will this be a quadruple? Weird, but maybe true. I have not heard of many people having two double mastectomies, but I always did like to do things the hard way.
Since this will be a another surgery there will also be more reconstruction options to consider. Some of them need their own post. You would not believe where they will take tissue from to make new boobs. There really isn't any space that they don't consider-stomach(nice it doubles as a tummy tuck), buttocks(bonus, lipo without lipo), inner thighs(again, bonus), but wait...the back. Yes, a lat flap surgery is very common unless they need to place tissue expanders in your back to make the skin in the front. Yes, you read correctly, tissue expanders in the back to make boobs in the front. You know what that means? They give you boobs on your back. As if all of this isn't humiliating enough you get back boobs. I guess tank tops are out for the summer. I really think I would have to draw the line in the sand at that point. Or I would have to move to Alaska and wear sweaters for 6 months.
The plastic surgeon I met with went to Yale and NYU. He is a super smarty pants and I like him, but he's not the one who would have back boobs-gross. So we will have to explore some other options, and I thought losing my hair was bad.

Hurry Up & Wait, But Enjoy the Wait

I have been given a reprieve from treatments and I have been taking full advantage. Last week with my family in town we went on marathon field trips, ate some great food to celebrate my birthday, and Christian opened his wrestling gym(California Republic Academy of Wrestling). I began the Christmas vacation with a visit to the radiation oncologist and a PET scan. The oncologist drew diagrams to answer all my questions and was very informative. The radiation treatment will last from 5-7 weeks with appointments 5 days a week. Next up was the PET scan. I was injected with radioactive material(I should really be glowing now from all my radioactive injections) and then I laid back and took a nap while they scanned me from eyes to thighs.
After completing my tests I was ready to celebrate Christmas. We went to a wonderful service Christmas Eve at CCYL and then my mom made steak and lobster for dinner. It was presents galore for the kids and we were up late. The next morning we discovered that Santa had eaten the cookies and filled the stockings.
On Christmas day we spent time at Nana's eating and opening presents. Sally, Ron, and the boys arrived the day after Christmas and the adventures began. We went to the movies, In-N-Out, Sky High, the park(twice), the Getty, Haven Gastro Pub, Red Robin, paint balling...We were exhausted, but it was really nice. We also spent countless hours in Nana's kitchen talking and eating.
Did I mention how much we ate? The food was plentiful and delicious. My top three favorites were homemade guacamole(Sally Kim), Uncle Ron's Carbonara(yes, I picked out the bacon), and mac n cheese(Gastro pub). While eating all of those carbohydrates I have also been indulging in lots of salad with fresh fruits and vegetables. In case I have to go back for more chemo I am trying to stock up.
Well, my reprieve is almost up-I head to Houston next week for some tests-but I am going to enjoy feeling good right now. No needles, no doctors, no open backed gowns, no tubes, no poking, no prodding, and no medication. Hallelujah!

Anderson 360

First-I would like to thank Don't Worry Be Happy Shirts and all of you who bought t-shirts. It helped make this trip possible.
Referring back to the title Anderson 360, no, not Anderson Cooper, MD Anderson in Texas. I went to Texas last week to get a third opinion about my treatment options. I have had surgery and chemotherapy. The conclusion is usually radiation therapy followed by hormone therapy. That is what has been recommended by my doctors in CA. Normally that would have sounded fine by me, but the pathology did not come back as well as expected after surgery. I had positive lymph nodes and several positive margins throughout the breast tissue. So it was time to have another look see.
Christian's sister lives about 10 minutes away from MD Anderson and has been asking me to come out since my diagnosis. I finally went and it was good. They want to treat my cancer much more aggressively because I am so young. The really nice part about all of this cancer stuff is that everyone keeps telling me how young I am at every office visit.
By treating this cancer aggressively they are suggesting another surgery. I had a simple bilateral mastectomy-they want to give me a modified radical mastectomy. That would possibly be followed by more chemo and then radiation with reconstruction much farther down the line. They came to these conclusions by running a multitude of tests-CT, MRI, ultrasound, blood work up, and X-ray. No part of me has gone untouched. You get used to walking around in scrubs and gowns and I met some really nice people. There was a man from El Paso, Texas who had stage IV prostate cancer, but was just raving about his wife's artistic talents and his sons who are both graduates of Texas A&M.
Sally Kim took good care of me while I was there-waiting at the doctors, cooking great food, and taking great notes during each visit. Christiev came to spend some time in the waiting rooms with us and hang out in Sally Kim's kitchen. My mom held down the homefront-getting the kids to their specified locations, feeding those picky little eaters, and tackling homework.
Now that Christmas is here we are going to enjoy some time together and thank God for all that we have.
Merry Christmas

Recovery, Well...

I had surgery on November 21st. It went well, my family stayed for 14 hours in the waiting room-no, the surgery did not take that long, but there were some delays and recovery time in there too. I half awoke in the recovery room to two male nurses arguing about me going home. They said I was. I cracked one eye open and said, "Dr. Suh said I could stay. I am staying. Call Dr. Mattson-Gates, I am staying the night. Oh yeah, I am in pain, can you give me something?" They gave me morphine. YUCK! Did I tell you that all opiate based narcotics make me vomit? I made it through recovery and being moved to my room all without "decorating" the floor or a person. I just kept breathing through my nose and wishing it all away.
I know I seem to say this a lot, but I had two fabulous nurses, Michelle and Althea, who took care of me all night. Christian made a bed on the couch and they gave him some blankets and stuff. I awoke about midnight, not feeling too hot. I knew it was coming-the barfing. I grabbed my little styrofoam cup and then realized too small. I ripped the top off of the pitcher of water they had brought-mmmm, too small too. I was like Goldilocks. Which one was going to be just right? I called out for my knight in shining armor-Christian-and he rushed to my side with none other than the bed pan-pee hat. I was lucid enough to realize, please no, not the place where I have to go to the bathroom, please just get the colored bowl that is for barfing. He made it, and all was well.
I thought all was well until cheery Michelle came in to announce I had until 1 am to use the restroom on my own. I knew what they had planned if I did not conform to their ways. I would have to get a catheter and there was no way that was going to happen. I mean really, they just chopped my top half off, did they have to mess with the bottom part of me too?
I dredged up the strength at 12:55 and went to the restroom with not just Michelle, but sweet Althea too. There I was with a bucket in my lap barfing my lungs up, but I went #1-so no catheter for me. VICTORY!Then Althea tucked me back into bed and the next thing I knew it was 6am. Praise the Lord! No more barfing and no more opiates.

What Really Happened? Beauty School Dropout

Disclaimer*Remember-I was going into surgery and some of my memories are hazy at best because they like you drugged and malleable for surgery.
My surgery was scheduled for November 21st. We woke up early and checked into the hospital at 6:30am. When we walked in there was my father-in-law waiting for us with his newspaper and coffee. It was so sweet and he looked so steady, like it was all a piece of cake. This is the guy you definitely want in your corner when your scared or uncertain. I went back into pre-op and was given the requisite paper gown, socks, and beautiful head cover(think large hair net that flops from side to side). The gown and socks were a really cute purple color so at least I felt partially fashionable. It was really cold in the room. The nurse tucked me in like I was a little girl and said she would warm me up. The next thing I know she hooked a vacuum hose up to a hole in the SIDE of my paper gown and warm air filled my gown and bed. It was blissful. I was asked a million questions to which I nodded and smiled just comfortable in my warm bed. My mom came back to visit, Papa came to pray over me, Sam hung out with us and talked to the anesthesiologist, but then it was time to draw some purple marks all over me and nobody but my husband should see that-so there was a break in the visits. Curtains closed, gown moved, the drawing began and looked interesting. Then Dr.Mattson-Gates signed both sides with a flourish and I was ready. I got settled back in bed, the curtain was whipped back and Josh was there, he really scared me. I think we both jumped(he thought he might see something he never should and I feared a big guy looming behind a curtain in a place where they chop you up). We hung out with Josh and he prayed over me giving me peace that had started to slip a little.
I was given some drugs to relax before surgery and then it gets a little hazy. Beth came back to chat, my mom came back again, and then I don't really know much, it all runs together. There was a Dr.Greaser(real name-who had coffee breath that I just wanted to keep smelling because I do love my coffee) who injected me not once, not twice, but four times in places where I have never been stabbed. Daniel(the nurse) was kind and let me crush his hand as long as I promised not to dig my fingernails into him. Some stuff caused a delay so I didn't get into surgery until 12(I think). While I waited I played Words with Friends-thank you Sam.
Then it was Go Time. They wheeled me down the hall(I had foolishly rejected the 2nd dose of relaxation drug)and of course I became the nervous talker. What's your name? This is all for me? Do you have children? What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Me?, No, I am not cooking this year-you get the picture. Fill the white walls and sterile objects with chatter and they will disappear, right? They moved me to the surgical table and all I thought was how do fat people not fall off of this thing. It was as skinny as my 16 year old, but it worked. Then my arms were laid out either in crucifixion or I hope supplication? I was given an IV and this is where I wonder what happened...
Was the operating room filled with music that the doctor liked(maybe a little Beyonce and Adele followed by some Foo Fighters? Did the doctors and nurses discuss the mundane tasks they had to do after work that day? Was there blood and gore everywhere as they chopped, sliced, and diced removing that cancer from me? Did they open me up and say oh no? Was it like Dr. 90210 and I just looked like a jellyfish hanging everywhere?
I like to picture the scene from the movie Grease-"Beauty School Drop Out". A little singing, dancing, and cute outfits that make everything dreamy when you wake up.

Beauty Pageant Girl

I always wonder how much to tell my children concerning my breast cancer or how they will interpret what I tell them. We have been very straight forward with the kids and I think it has gone well-except when Italia thought I would give her chemo by kissing her. I did not tell them exactly what would happen during surgery-only that they would remove the cancer from my body.
Well, Italia went to her brother's soccer game on Saturday and hung out with her two friends from her soccer team. They had a great time and they all came home happy. Last night all the boys were at practice and Italia shared with me that Montana-her soccer friend told her they would have to cut off my boobies in surgery. She said this as if Montana was saying something completely ridiculous. When I explained to Italia that is what they did do she was a little shocked. I explained that they gave mommy some fake ones so my body still looks real. That is when she got really excited and said I was just like the girls from the beauty pageant or Toddlers & Tiaras, except my fake boobies were under the skin. Reality TV does have its benefits.

What a Girl Wants

I cannot get Christina Aguilera's song out of my head. I guess I just keep hoping I will get what I want-now. Life has been a series of ups and downs since I last blogged. I went to my last chemo and had a horrible reaction. I blew up like a tomato and they had to stop the chemo. I guess you could say I counted my chickens before they hatched. I strolled into chemo with Jamie thinking this is it. I had visions of sushi, hot yoga, and spin class running through my head. I was a little full of myself thinking I got this one on the bag. Well I guess I left the bag at home because it didn't work out that way.
Then I got the news that two more rounds of chemo were waiting for me. I was a little sad, but chemo was the devil I knew. I knew how I would feel, what I would look like, and how to appreciate the down time. What do you know? My wonderful surgeons Dr.Suh and Dr. Mattson-Gates could move my surgery up by three weeks so I wouldn't have to have more chemo. Wasn't that so nice of them? I didn't think so at the time, I didn't want to be sliced and diced or chopped up. I liked chemo because I still looked like me amd there wasn't any lopping off of any body parts. Jamie asked that I not use the term "lopping off"-it grossed her out, but after 25 years of friendship I like to gross her out.
In the interim I went to the City of Hope and met with another oncologist for the 2nd opinion. In his opinion Kaiser was providing me with the exact same treatment he would and it all looked great.
On to surgery...

One More to Go & The New Normal

Only one more chemo treatment to go! I survived the second to last chemo treatment, but not without a little bit of drama. My veins have decided to roll over and play dead so it took three different IV's to get the chemo going. My fabulous nurse(Ann who got me on the first try last time) could not get two of the veins to stay put. She had to call in Elmer-who I like to call the vein whisperer-although they don't laugh when I say that, to magically get the IV in. So I was sitting there when all of a sudden I felt as though my face was on fire. I thought to myself is this a hot flash? Am I already getting those? Then I started to itch. First it was the ears, then my throat, then the chest, and then all over. My face and chest turned red like a tomato. Finally the breathing got to be a bit tricky and my chest kept getting tighter and tighter. Luckily Christian was there and he got the nurse. In the back of my mind I was thinking if Sally or my mom were there it would have been the scene from Terms of Endearment when Shirley Mclaine was screaming that her daughter needed her medicine. I don't know if I would have laughed or cried at that point. So the nurse stopped my IV and gave me a big push of Benadryl. That made me so loopy I was content to stay all night. Alas, it meant the chemo was going to take much longer than anticipated. My mom came to get me so Christian could go coach soccer. As we were sitting there the lights started going out, the janitor was emptying the trash cans, and all the doors were being locked. That song "Closing Time" came to mind, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." You know the nurses were bummed that I had the reaction and someone had to stay late to watch over me-it was Jenny and she was really kind.
So I have many new "normals" in my life, some good, some bad, some just weird...
I used to work...now I watch cooking shows and make new recipes everyday.
I used to run...now I am a walker, sometimes with a friend or my dog.
I used to take 20 minute showers...now I am down to 3 minutes.
I used to think Facebook was a waste of time...now it is a great way to connect with my family and friends
I used to not have time for anything...now I have time to play Memory with Italia, Yahtzee with the kids, and go to all Chase's games at 3:15 in the afternoon
Cancer isn't so bad when I think about some of my great new normals.

ChChChChia

The good news is my hair has started to grow back. Of course it is not growing back exactly as I had hoped. It appears to be growing on my face-yuck and like a gray Chia pet on my head. The upside is it is soft and downy, but the downside side is it is the color of steel wool. My lovely husband referred to me as Gandalf the Grey. My mother-in-law was much more kind. She said that my hair was platinum like Marilyn Monroe. I would be happy anywhere in the middle of those two analogies. As soon as possible I am going to have Darryl color these little hairs into submission. The hair on my face just needs to go away.
A week and a half ago we did the Race for the Cure. Thank you again to all those who participated. It was amazing. I felt so blessed and I know my family did too. Next year I hope to be running it with many of you-and by then I should feel the breeze through my hair, not skimming off of my scalp.
I finished my sixth round of chemo on September 27th and I am happy to report that there are only two more sessions to go. Things are starting to move quickly again-time to ask questions and make some choices. I go see the surgeon on October 11th, the oncologist on October 14th, and then back to chemo on October 18th. It will be time to discuss surgery, reconstruction, follow-up treatment, and everything in between.

People Are So Kind

Last night my brother and sister-in-law, Darryl & Beth, went down to the Komen suite to pick up the some of our team packets. That was really nice. It was extra nice because they have 4 kids, homework, dance practice, and dinner-plus they both work full time. The Komen people helped them research last minute additions to the team and put together more bags for our team. That was nice too. Today I stopped by the school to drop off the race bags and it was picture day. They put me in the class picture-jeans, scarf, sunglasses and all. Nice right? Well after school I went to the car wash. Yes I am still supposed to stay away from people, and I was really tired later so I paid for my activities, but...Francisco at the car wash asked how my treatment was going. I have never talked to him before today. I get my car washed maybe 3 times a year. He said to me that I am always smiling and he wanted to know if I felt ok and how my chemotherapy had been going. So nice. Then...a dear family friend, Joann, flew in today from back East just to join our race team. My other two sister-in-laws, Sally Kim and Christiev, are flying in for the race this weekend too.
Just remember when you go about your day that people are truly kind and to count your blessings. They are everywhere-if you just look.

132 Angels and Counting

Our team is amazing! As of today we have 132 people signed up for the Susan G. Komen Race on Sunday, September 25th in Newport Beach. The race is expected to draw 30,000 people and I am so excited to be a part of it. My dining room looks like Pepto exploded all over it with all the pink shirts, hats, and bags everywhere.
My house arrest has been modified and I am hoping to be released fully for Sunday. My numbers have not come up all the way, but they are starting to bounce back. I have to have another blood test on Thursday to see where the numbers are at. I look like a pin cushion with all the holes in my arms. I keep trying to lift weights to get my veins to pop out. Last time the girl who took my blood greeted me with, "Hi, I am an extern, do you mind if I draw on you?" Well OK, I don't mind. I should have minded. She put the needle in my arm and nothing came out. Then she panicked and moved it around trying to find some blood flow. Needless to say the supervisor had to come and help her. Everyone has to learn and everyone has a first day, but blood draw should really be exempt from that practice.
Mr. Bob Frazier said I should get some Tiger Blood since it helped Charlie Sheen. I do have something better; they are going to give me 8 days of steroids after my next cycle. The steroids are really magical and I feel like Wonder Woman when I take them. Too bad it's not long term. I was thinking I could give them to Chase too so he could fly through homework and practice, but the pharmacist said it wouldn't really work.

House Arrest

I guess you can lump me in with Charlie Sheen, Lyndsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton, well not really. The doctor put me on house arrest for at least 5 days because my CBC's went down to a whopping 0.0. Congratulations you do not have any immune system left. I had my fifth round of chemo last week and it is my new drug Taxotere. Luckily I have not had any nausea and vomiting, but the body aches and tingly fingers are pretty funky.
I would have blogged sooner, but I was a little disoriented and my brother-in-law Josh said I was talking like Dr. Seuss. Just thinking about it makes my head go Would you, could you, in a box? Would you, could you with a fox?
So I cannot leave my house and if I do I am supposed to wear a mask. Beth said we could bedazzle one, which could really be a new trend during flu season this year. Darryl always has some pretty good ideas, but Beth is knocking them out of the park with this cancer stuff. She also thinks I could wear those false eyelashes that have bling at the tips. We could start a whole new business-Couture Cancer Wear. Speaking of accessories, Christiev bought me some new head scarves, a swim cap, and eyebrows. Yep, she bought me some beautifully shaped, perfect color, human hair eyebrows. Remember when I thought I would look like Andy Rooney? It's true. They are really funky and I cannot help but wonder who they belonged to.
Only three more treatments to go and then I will be done with this chemo stuff.
Now that I am stuck at home you might hear from me more.
Did I mention that they gave me an antibiotic which has a warning about ankle pain? I cannot eat any minerals two hours before or after taking the antibiotic and if I have ankle pain I am supposed to go to the hospital. What is a mineral? They told my husband it meant milk, yogurt, cheese. I thought that was dairy.
Until next time.

Mommy...

Italia has had a sinus infection for the last couple of weeks so I have only given her a kiss on the cheek lately. The other day I gave her a kiss on the mouth and she said..."Mommy, Your going to give me the chemo!" I had to explain that chemo is medicine Mommy gets, not a sickness she can get. It was cute and made me laugh.
Tomorrow I have my last "red devil" chemotherapy treatment and then I am on to the new stuff. I am really looking forward to getting this monkey off of my back and feeling like myself again.
Yesterday Christian and I watched the Ford Ironman Championship in Kona and that was inspiring. Two competitors had battled cancer and come back to compete. This could be a great goal for me if I could just get over the swimming in the ocean thing.

Insanity

First it was a cheesy version of an elliptical, then it was Billy Blank's Tae Bo, and lastly the P90X. I thought I was through with infomercial workout gadgets and gizmos. Who needs them? I love to run, bootcamp is the best workout I have ever done, and training for a triathlon keeps the boredom at bay(although after watching Shark Week I might rethink all ocean swimming). Needless to say I have fallen victim to another one of the infamous infomercial promises of improved health, six-pack abs, and a lean physique.
I bought the Insanity DVD system on Amazon last week. I could blame it on the chemotherapy and how rotten I felt. I thought to myself that this DVD would make me feel better for sure. The people on the commercial were fit, energetic, smiling-not a cancer patient in sight. The first workout was really a challenge-it was opening the front door to sign for the package. The second workout left me feeling weak and clumsy-that was just getting the box opened and reading the list of workouts. Who was I kidding? The most strenuous activity I have done in the last two weeks was to walk to Nana's house accompanied by Elijah and Italia. The 1.6 mile walk took us 25 minutes. I think we were definitely trying to keep up with the snails on the street.
Apparently I have not fooled my husband. He asked if I could send it back the minute he saw the box. Stubbornly I refused to send it back. I thought to myself, I need this workout. This will make me feel like the Lance Armstrong of cancer survival. Lance Armstrong? Really? I know, I now, but it could happen. Just the other day my brother-in-law Josh wanted to know when I would get my super powers. He said that Spiderman got them right away when he was bit by the spider. I told Josh that my superpowers would come when my hair grows back.
I realize now that I do have superpowers that other people are sadly lacking. First of all I have an amazing husband. Who else would watch three hours of VH1's greatest rock songs hosted by Bret Michael's after a chemo treatment? I stayed awake for numbers 100-95, but I missed the final five. My fabulous husband informed that Guns N Roses was number one in case you missed it. Second superpower is a family that just rocks. My sister-in-law Beth calls to check up on me and just be my anchor. Then of course there is always the fun when Darryl leaves his phone out and Christian hacks his FB which sends a slew of posts that make me cry with laughter. My mom and dad who have always been supportive and giving have achieved hero status. Mom braved Magic Mountain with Chase and his friend for 12 hours. Grandpa won every animal at the fair for Italia(small fortune spent-priceless pictures). Nana and Papa have been solid and I think Nana prayed in every church in Europe for me-she even used Holy water. Sally Kim-well she is just the whole kit and caboodle. She creates really fabulous food that will for sure put the weight back on me. She prays for me, sends me scripture, and is helping me get a second opinion from the best cancer fighting doctors in the world. What more could I ever ask for? My last super power is my friends. Without them I would wallow and that is not good for cancer.
When I was drafting this in my head today it began a little morosely. I was feeling down this last week. Sometimes I think this is bad. I have cancer. I saw the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love yesterday. In one scene the people at Steve Carell's office are worried because they think he has cancer. When they realize he's just getting a divorce there is a huge sigh of relief. "Don't worry, it's not cancer, just a divorce. It's not cancer" his boss yells. I wish I could yell, "It's not cancer!"Soon I will be able to yell, "I am cancer free." That will be my ultimate superpower. I will kick this cancer in the booty!