Easy Bake Oven

Italia got a new deluxe easy bake oven for Christmas. Yes, it functions just like the old one where a light bulb magically cooks tiny little cakes and cookies to perfection. Not really perfection though, more like gooey in the middle and a little crusty around the edges. I too feel as though I have been placed in an easy bake oven. For the last 5 weeks I have been getting cooked by these beams that do not give off any heat, but the results have made me a little gooey and a little crusty. I scare people at the airport with my muppet arms and my huge band aid that doesn't quite cover the burns rising up my neck. People have a hard time discerning whether I am a burn victim or a germ o phobe. Apparently they also have a hard time discerning that I am a female. On my last trip home the TSA agent said to me, "Young man, you need to move along." You can imagine my shock along with my embarrassment. I was frozen in place looking at the man and wondering how he could possibly think that I was a man. Was it the drastically short hair cut? Was it the flat chested look I have recently adopted? Or was it his nearsighted, ignorant self? I was hurt for a moment, but then I decided to forgive the poor man. At least he called me "young."