Shedding Season

Shedding season has officially begun. I took a shower this morning and two weeks to the day of my first chemo my hair began to fall out. It is definitely a gradual process but I feel like a dog because I am always scratching. Can you imagine what my house would look like if Darryl hadn't cut my hair? It would be like sheep shearing season around here. I do have to say that the new haircut has some definite benefits. When I go swimming with the kids I feel like a duck because the water just kind of rolls off of my head. I just realized there are three animal similes in this little update. I think I need to get out more.

Don't Worry Be Happy

The world just keeps getting better and better. My friend Dana approached me about this organization called Don't Worry Be Happy. The organization began when a beloved family member, Kevin Carlberg, was diagnosed with brain cancer. He wore his "Don't Worry Be Happy" shirt to his doctors appointments and everywhere else to spread happiness. After he passed they made copies to remember him and now they sell the shirts to help cancer warriors with their medical bills and to fund cancer research. They have been kind enough to include me in their warrior profiles and to their Komen Walk on 9/25. You can see me in my fabulous t-shirt and log on to read the stories that are so inspiring. Thank you, Dana and thank you to the people at DWBH shirts.

The Postmistress Discussion 1

I know that it is way past Monday, but here are some of my observations and questions about the first three chapters of The Postmistress.

I like Frankie. I like that we can see the war through her eyes and her passion for a story. It is kind of like a female Band of Brothers feeling. The Blitz is a frightening event that is portrayed so eloquently.
I am not sure what to think of Iris. She is an odd duck, but is she attractive or not? Red hair like a curtain and red lips. She seems to be an enigma of sorts. She thinks that Emma is a runaway at first and she defends the German man to Florence.
Lastly, the doctor's new "little" wife? We shall see.
What do you think?
I am enjoying the book so far...

On a side note I have not recommended this to my junior high students because I have not read it yet. One student wanted to join me, but she called the book the The PISTMISTRESS It has a much different connotation if she is "pist." Spelling always counts!

Grammy Gave Me Inspiration

Today I wasn't going to blog because nothing "big" happened today and then I realized that "nothing" is a really good thing. When I look at something like cancer happening I think we always want to know the how and why. I also think we need to look at it as what positive aspects can this bring to my life? I was just emailing my Grammy who I haven't seen in much too long and it came to me why getting cancer hasn't been so bad. I have talked more to my grammy, my uncles and aunts in Colorado, and connected with my family and friends than ever before. Even my little niece Gianna left a comment on my blog. Before cancer it was easy to go through the motions of work, family, commitments, and just busyness. I think that this was God's way of saying, "Stop and smell the roses. You are blessed."
You have all laughed with me, encouraged me, prayed with me, and have offered to help in so many ways. I am truly grateful and blessed.
By the way, just for you slackers out there, I ran 4 miles this morning. I will be ready to kick some serious Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Pink in September.

Thank You, Thank You

All of your comments have been so nice about my new look. I have to say that now I know how men feel with such short hair. It is so easy to get ready, I can shower and be ready to go in 15-20 minutes. Awesome!
My younger children were really nice but both of them asked if I could wear a hat or my beaubeau so that it looks like I still have hair. Chase said I look awesome. We really look very similar now. I do have to make sure that the eyebrows and make-up are done so that I don't look too boyish.
When I lose my eyebrows that will be a whole new discussion. They have these human hair eyebrows you can buy, but I would feel like Andy Rooney from 60 minutes. Gross, I do not want another person's hair glued to my forehead.

My New "Do"

Today went much better than I expected, probably because Christian, Darryl, and Beth were with me. Christian took time lapse photos of Darryl cutting my hair. He stopped for several styles in between. Beth talked to me and entertained me. There were no tears, just lots of laughs today.
I know what is important in life is not the material or the physical and today definitely proved it. I am so blessed to have a family and friends to share these experiences with me.
Here is the new me-

Hair today, gone today

Today is the day Darryl will cut my hair off. I am really freaked out that I am going to look like any one of the following individuals: Annie, Justin Timberlake, Sinead O'Connor, or even Screech. Although of the list, Sinead might not be so bad. I know it will be better to cut it off than to beg Darryl for help once it is all falling out, but I think this will be a tough day. I bought several scarves as prior post claims, the Beaubeau will be my new best friend, but my husband thinks I should get a few wigs(For those of you that know my husband he is not into wigs-he just wants me to freak people out) and try some things out. I was thinking about a Barbie wig or I can borrow Italia's Hannah Montana wig. I might just have to enlist some friends for a wig date and try on some new styles. I will post a picture after the event today.

Great News..and Even Better News

On Thursday I went back for the results of my genetic screening to see if I carry the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene-most commonly known as the breast cancer gene. I was very nervous about the results because that meant it would impact my children greatly. They would have a higher probability of breast, ovarian, and prostate cancer. The results are in and I am not an X-Men. I do not carry the genetic mutation! I was so happy, really great news.
As the title suggests that was the great news, but there is even better news on the horizon. Chase had finals all week at school and he worked very hard all year(with slight encouragement from mom). He struggled with geometry but did very well in all his classes. All semester geometry was a thorn in his side that went from an F, to a D, to a D-, and back to a D. Going into the final he went ahead and registered for summer school since there wasn't a high probability of passing with his current 68.75. Alas, a miracle and hard work with dad until midnight every night during finals week-the boy earned himself a 70.70! No summer school for the Holiday family.
I can handle chemo and hair loss, but geometry? The line has to be drawn somewhere. Way to go Chase!

The Doctor is Calling...8pm?

I got a phone call from Dr. Suh last night at 8pm. He works very hard and he is very kind. I feel like I have one of the good guys on my side; he is thorough, he explains medical terminology well and the procedures I will undergo. The MRI results are in and I have two more areas on the other side that need to be biopsied. I am going to come out of this looking like I have been stuck with a million push pins. For those of you that know me well I do not sew and I had to look that up on the Sewing Dictionary. Well, the good news is the new biopsy won't change my course of treatment. It will require another biopsy during surgery, but at least I will be asleep!

Book Club-Disclaimer

I have never read the book, The Postmistress that I so recklessly decided to start a book club over. I began reading it and found it a little odd, but the characters did capture my attention. Of course I was undergoing chemo so maybe everything around me is a little odd. I am going to reread the first section and post some comments/questions on Monday. Thank you all for joining me!

Quote of the Day

"Writing is calisthenics for the brain. When your working your thoughts out on paper you get ideas you might never have had."
David McCullough-Two time Pulitzer Prize Winner

Kicking Cancer in the Booty

Today I went for my first chemotherapy treatment. Please forgive any and all typos along with grammatical errors-I am loopy from the meds.
I checked in at 9:30am and was told to sit in chair 7. Then I had to move to chair six- a little unfortunate because the woman next to me had fallen asleep with her TV blasting a Spanish infomercial, oh well. The chemo room holds 15 patient chairs wrapped in a U shape. It was fun to watch the other people, hear their very personal habits(bathroom stuff), and just people watch.
I had a fabulous nurse today, Jenny, who enjoyed Christian's humor and said I had the veins of an athlete. I guess it was the miles I ran this morning and the push-ups I did trying to kill the cancer with fitness. That did not work so now we are on to pharmaceuticals.
First they started the IV and then let the saline run for a while. Next I was given six little pills to help with nausea and vomiting. Christian was very appreciative that he would not have to be cleaning any barf. Jenny, nurse fabulous, came out with two huge syringes filled with red meds also known as Adriamycin(which will make my hair fall out in one to two weeks) and Cytoxan. She had to inject the Adriamycin slowly into my IV while the Cytoxan ran through a bag. I guess there is no going back now.
At the end Christian asked her what we owe her? I asked if she had a tip jar? She laughed, but I think she thought it was a great idea.
I will go back in three weeks for another treatment and in between hang out with my family and friends.
I have a CT tomorrow and genetic results on Thursday.
Life is good!
Just in case I have the dreaded diarrhea my lovely mom dropped off wipes and butt paste-What would I do without mom? We all know that would be a tough purchase for my husband.

Book Club-The Postmistress by Sarah Blake

I realize that starting tomorrow one of the most vigorous activities I will be doing is reading. I still have plans to take care of my family, workout, and run, but in reality I will have a little more down time. I bought some books for my mom, sister-in-law, and friend and hope you will join me.
Recently, I read the book The Help and I thoroughly enjoyed it. When I was looking through the stacks at B&N I found four books that I really want to read, but this one caught my eye because the author of The Help said "A beautifully written, thought-provoking novel that I'm telling everyone I know to read." Well, that was good enough for me.(But my husband always says not to judge a book by its cover-he told me to add this)
This blog will not be just about my adventures, but it will also be about my relationships. (this is Christian her husband and anytime you see { } I will add notes from here on out. My wife is not a polygamists just to be clear)
I have been so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life(who I tried to name, but really how lucky can a girl get? There are too many to name).
Most of you share my love of literature {ok, a few of you nerds do} so I was thinking that we can read together. I do not want this to be an Oprah's book club where every choice was really depressing-I picked this and I hope it works.
The teacher really never really quits her job so I was thinking that chemotherapy lasts 12 weeks and the book has 28 chapters. We can read 3 chapters a week and be done before chemo ends.
I cannot promise anything other than some conversation and accountability. Let me know if your in and I will begin Monday June 13th at my first chemo appointment. The book is called The Postmistress by Sarah Blake.

Beautiful Beaubeau

Today my beaubeau scarves came in the mail. I tried them on and I am pleased to report I don't look like an ancient biker wearing a doorag(I have no idea if that is how it is spelled). They are fashionable and will stay in place; added info-they were really expensive, but I figure if I don't have to pay for color, cut, or product it will all work out in the end.
Tomorrow Darryl will be so kind as to begin my transformation into a "Justin Timberlake" cut. As Beth said I can sing "Cry Me a River" if I don't feel like my self. I was hoping for more of a "Senorita" or "Sexy Back" instead, but we will see how it goes.

From Zero to Hero

I was trying to catch up to the last few days of not posting which is why I have posted so much today. I was a little overwhelmed trying to finish at work. I did not want the kids to feel as though I had left them short and a little part is vanity thinking no one can teach them as well as I can. Anyway I wanted to congratulate Kaiser Permanente. From the day I felt the first lump(May 11th) until the day I will enter into chemotherapy it has only been one month! They have set me up with MRI's, CT's, MUGA's, bone scans, genetics, general surgeons, oncology, radiology, and plastic surgery. I know that people always fight the big bad insurance giants, but I have been happy with their performance and their care. Thank YOU! Of course I start chemo on Monday so it might change.

Chemotherapy the Jabberwocky

If any of you have read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland she must defeat the Jabberwocky. It is Lewis Carrol's nonsense that makes sense. Chemotherapy is like the Alice who must defeat the Cancer(the Jabberwocky). The chemo will enter my system and kill so much of me only to save me. In the process I will experience the side effects of battle including but not limited to: flu-like symptoms, eye changes, kidney changes, weight changes, hormone changes, fluid retention, and of course constipation and diarrhea.
It seems like such an attractive combination-hence the Jabberwocky. Nonsense that makes sense. In order to defeat the monster one must understand how the monster works-
At the end of the poem(which I will not include for those of you who do not love poetry) Alice says,
"Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas-only I don't know exactly what they are!However, somebody killed something. that's clear, at any rate-"
In conclusion, I must defeat the Jabberwocky.
The Jabberwocky is also from America's Best Dance Crew and they had movement that by itself did not make sense-but in the end it worked.

Genetics, MUGA, and Diet for Diarrhea?

Well, it has been a very interesting last couple of days. I have been poked and prodded by so many kind people who give me a massive amount of information and watch me nod and say ok! Last week I went to meet with a genetic counselor. She was a very kind woman but I could not stop thinking about her beard. Yes, I said it, she had a beard. I know, these are some of the most important decisions I will ever make and I kept thinking at least I don't have a beard. It was definitely a once in a lifetime experience with the genetic counselor. I took my mom so she could help me answer some questions and it turned into an episode from Jerry Springer. No matter how normal you think you are-you still have a family with skeletons and unresolved issues that have to be dealt with. It is much easier to live in our tiny little boxes where no one questions our decisions and we think we are perfect.
Once genetic testing was over I went on to the MUGA. For those of you who are uninformed like myself-it is a heart scan to see if you can withstand chemotherapy. It was pretty basic, it required two IV's, and a very nice little man who had warm blankets and a big machine to take pictures of my heart. This is a very basic definition and as an English teacher it should be filled with imagery and literary devices, but it was really like taking a nice nap with needles jabbed in my arm.
Last but not least(really, not least) I had to attend a chemotherapy orientation. My husband, my rock, went with me. We checked in and were looking for a classroom where I would shine, because I love school. I would have a binder, highlighter, different color pens, and a list of intense, but appropriate questions.
It ended up being a one-on-one consultation with a wise nurse who put on an hour video for us to watch.
As we watched there were different topics, "What is Chemotherapy?", "Care for the Patient", and out personal favorite..."Diet for Diarrhea." Well, we are so infantile that we exploded into gut busting laughter(in the middle of the chemo ward) and tried to listen to how to care for a diarrhea. Really, we instantly revert back to first grade when someone mentions bowel movements. Apparently there are a variety of ways to help alleviate diarrhea(have to look it up every time I type it)but it really comes back to the basics-BRAT diet.
Are you thinking of the Parenthood song?
"When your slidin' into first and your feelin' somethin' burst-diarrhea, diarrhea." "When you slidin' into home and your shorts are full of foam, diarrhea, diarrhea"
I hope I don't have to experience all of the lovely side effects; but it will be an adventure along the way.

Tests and More Tests

Next week is test week-some not so bad. Genetic counseling on Monday-mom will accompany me due to the fact that my family history is limited to Granpy who says, "Today is a good day, I woke up on this side of the dirt today." Next I will have the MUGA, for the heart, does not require any prep and does not take too long.
Friday is the bone scan-fasting for four hours, check-in two hours prior-and then get injected with dye before the scan. Will I look like a character from X-Men? I would like to be the blue girl because she can be anything- but we will see. CT will be next but doesn't require anything drastic.
Still waiting to hear about MRI and chemo orientation.

I really don't want to fail any of these tests; I am still a nervous test taker from school and a teacher's pet so let's hope I do well.

5k Today

Today was a fabulous day. This morning I woke up and took three of my children to a 5k event locally(Christian had the soccer draft). The race was to raise money for Pulmonary Hypertension. When you think life is really tough you just have to open your eyes and there is always someone who has had it tougher. The race today was in honor of a little girl-who was only 4- when she died from PH. She was an identical twin and when her parents spoke today it made you want to hold your children close. The event was called Taylor's Wish and it took place in Anaheim Hills. We ran the event last year, just 20 of us, and it went well. Today there were 97 runners plus more people from our little church and school thanks to a wonderful and dedicated teacher who took it on. Thanks, Mrs. Marti. The sky was bright blue, there were families everywhere, and people came out because they care.
It was so much fun running in a race where we knew so many people-there was cheering, yelling, and praising of all age groups(from my little nieces Araylia and Isabella) to former junior high students(George and Gabby). My children did well and I was so proud to be a part of such a positive event.
Thank you to all of you who were there. I think next year we can double the numbers from today.

Race Anyone?

All of you that know me have said that we will probably start doing "pink" events to raise awareness, money, and support breast cancer research. Well there is a race in Newport Beach on September 25, 2011. I am not saying that I will sign up today, maybe tomorrow.
Here is the link if your interested.

To chemo or not to chemo

Since the doctor decided to see me I have many updates. There wasn't a McSteamy or a McDreamy in sight. On the good side there were a few fabulous doctors who had compassion, knowledge, and were willing to answer our inane questions. They were not inane to us, but someone with their level of education was very patient. Apparently I have a mass of considerable(depending on who you speak to) is it considerable size for my body type or for anyone? Well, I am supposed to begin chemotherapy within a couple weeks. I forgot that at the end of the visit with the multitude of instructions to have my four vials of blood-luckily I am married to Mr. Wonderful who reminded me and walked me over.
I paid $90.00 for a three hour consultation today. During that time we asked for our second opinion, not because we didn't like the care, but because we feel that two will be better than one. Does anyone really care about driving 2o miles or an extra $30.00 when you have cancer? That did seem to be a concern today and for future reference it really is not a big deal.
They gave me these lists of what I can and cannot do. I cannot eat fresh fruit or vegetables-then is that why people have cancer? I have to bathe often. Really, who doesn't? Oh, I am sorry if you don't, but I teach junior high and bathing often is a requirement for social success and likeability. I also have to avoid those of you with contagious illnesses and any animal excreta. I guess the children will have to pick up the poop.
I also have to have surgery and reconstructive surgery. For my poor husband it will be like having a hairless cat for a wife. High maintenance and crabby all the time.
Please send your prayers his way as he will be the one picking up the slack that will be our life.
Next week we will update on the multitude of tests: MUGA scan, CT scan, Bone scan, MRI and so on and so on.

The Doctor Will See You Now...

Today I finally go to meet with three surgeons after receiving my diagnosis last Friday. Maybe my surgeon will be a McDreamy or a McSteamy to make it feel like an episode of Greys Anatomy. Or we can return to the days of old with ER and Dr. Ross or Carter will do. Unfortunately I cannot pronounce either of the doctor's names I am scheduled to see so I doubt there will be any movie star looking doctors.
I went to boot camp this morning. Nothing like getting your but kicked to start the day off right.