Its Been A While...

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my friend Heather. Heather looked at me and said, "It's not often we get a second chance to stop and appreciate our life and what is truly important." She was right. Cancer can be a blessing and never more so than when you have a family and friends like I do. I have spent the last couple of weeks with my amazing family. My husband's family is truly a blessing and they are too much fun. I love watching Nana after the boys have told her a funny story and the way she laughs and giggles like a little girl. While my husband's family was here we had a mini California vacation. We went to the beach, the fair, and some brave souls went to Disneyland. Most of all we just hung out in Nana's kitchen and cooked with Aunt Sally. After the fun I had to resume chemo yesterday and that was different than it has been in the past. I had to go in an hour earlier for blood work because my white blood cells were too low on Monday to let me have chemo. Up until this point I have had the most amazing nurses. They have been efficient, gracious, and humorous-Betina, Jenny, and Nancy. I had a new nurse yesterday-callig her Nurse Ratchet would be cruel-bless her heart, but mildly appropriate. Oh my goodness, she was a train wreck. She left trash everywhere, ran around like a chicken with her head cut off, and asked me to hold most of her supplies. Don't get me wrong, she was kind, but a mess. Normally I go in at 9am and I finish by 12:30pm. This time I went in at 8:30am and did not leave until 2:00pm. My nurse had been on vacation for two weeks and had a little trouble starting my IV. I have really good veins and she liked to move the IV all over trying to get it at the right angle. She made it a pillow out of gauze, hoping it would flow better. She would forget that she was holding it and turn to do something-taking my vein with her. Ouch! Then she proceeded to tell me stories and whenever she became animated she would move the IV to emphasize her point. Ouch, Ouch, Ouch. She also kept telling me about all the other departments she has worked and I kept thinking you really need to find yor right fit. Maybe front office where you are just in one place? I tried to feign sleep so that she couldn't tell me stories and move the needle anymore. Needless to say it backed up and started swelling and itching so much they had to remove it and start a new one. Fortunately Kae came to my rescue and popped a new one in and I was on my way. During my 5.5 hour stay the man sitting next to me couldn't speak English. Nurse Ratchet kept talking to him in English slowly and loudly thinking that would work, but the poor man kept saying, "No English." I almost took pity on both of them and translated for him, but it kept her away for me so I let him suffer.
One of the chemo meds they give me is red and looks like Kool Aid to me. Well here are another few names the patients have given it-Red Devil, Red Bomber, Red October. I only have one more Red treatment and then I move on to the less nauseating Taxotere.
Thank goodness

Chemo Knocked Me Down

"I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down" by Chumbawamba is the theme for this week. I had chemo on Tuesday and I am just starting to feel human again. I guess I really need to appreciate the good days where the focus of my day does not center around what pill did I take and when can I have another one? The nausea is the worst. I take three anti-nausea pills three times a day after chemo. Can you imagine what is was like before they had all these great medications? The other little known benefit of the medications is how it changes your bodily functions. Needless to say things move at a snails pace internally. Week one down and two good weeks looking ahead. My sister-in-law arrives tomorrow and I am so excited. We are going to make key lime pie, tortilla soup, and guacamole. She is one of the best cooks around so I am looking forward to putting back on the five pounds I lost in the last three weeks. Did you know that I can only eat vegetables that are grilled or peeled? I never thought I would be so desperate to eat a fresh, crunchy arugula and tomato salad.

Postmistress Discussion 2

Okay, if you have not read through chapter 12 this might spoil some events for you so you might not want to read this.
I feel bad for Dr. Fitch because he cannot let go of his father's ghost. I also am mad at him for not manning up and staying home with his wife.
Frankie's story just gets better and better. She seems to grow in strength while some of the other characters become weaker, even though she has lived through absolute terror.
Iris becomes more fascinating with every chapter. Her relationship with Harry, her desire to do her job well, and her motherly instinct towards Emma.

Chemo Round 2

I survived another round of chemotherapy yesterday. I went in at 9:00am and left at 12:45pm. It was actually quite relaxing and my nurse Betina had a great sense of humor. The girl next to me had a bad reaction to her chemo and it was quite scary. She turned red, she couldn't breathe, and she felt just horrible, but that was her 6th treatment. I couldn't help but wonder if that is what I will feel like in the next 4 treatments.
I am officially a Twofer. I found out from Dr. Vemuri and Dr.Suh today that I also have cancer on the right side. It is smaller, only about 2cm, but I definitely have bilateral breast cancer. The good news is my course of treatment will not change, I will continue to have chemo until just after Thanksgiving followed by surgery. I got more good news today that the chemo is already working its magic on the left side. Dr. Vemuri could feel less of the margins. Woohoo!
Today with my beautiful beaubeau and my lovely tan the girl at the check in asked where I was from. She said it sounded like I was Posh Spice from England. Too funny, maybe my beaubeau brings out the snobby Englishwoman hiding inside this California girl.

Happy Birthday Dad

Happy Birthday to the greatest dad in the world. Today is my dad's 70th birthday, but you wouldn't know it. He is ageless. For those of you who have had the pleasure of knowing my dad you have been blessed. He has taught me some of the best life skills a girl could ever ask for. When I was seven he taught me how to play blackjack. Even though I feared sharks more than anything(even those fresh water sharks that only exist in the mind of an 8 year old) he taught me how to water ski. When I was older he showed me how to work really hard at my job, but also how to love every minute of it. He survived those dreaded teenage years including teaching me how to drive a stick shift. It helped that we went out in the dune buggy and I could run over things and concentrate on letting the clutch out. He tried to teach me how to read a map and get through geometry, but some things are just impossible to learn, including "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the piano. I am as tone deaf as they come. Thank you dad for always being there with a whistle and a smile.
Love you, Chaser

Steel Magnolias

Did any of you ever see the movie Steel Magnolias? There was this scene in the movie where Shirley Mclaine's dog is barking and running around and he had lost most of his hair. He had chunks of it falling out and he looked like a patchwork of fur. Well, I officially look like that dog. I only have patches of hair left on my head and it looks a little disturbing. I told Christian I felt like the Terminator when he is blown up and half of his head is missing or a version of Teri Hatcher in Spy Kids after she catches on fire. I do not use these comparisons in a depressing way, just a visual perspective of how crazy it is to watch your hair disappear from your head. I had to have another biopsy and mammogram yesterday and today. I swear it is just new forms of some kind of medieval torture device. The biopsy was ultrasound guided and I was able to watch the needle go in and remove bits of flesh. Then they put you in the squishy machine(mammogram) and take pictures of where they have just removed your flesh. Gross stuff, but the nurses are really nice and cheery. I guess they have to be since they deal with women parts all day. Can you imagine what they see? All shapes, sizes, and colors, to be manipulated by their squishy machines. For those of you who have had a mammogram it really is quite astounding how they can smash, contort, and compress all that stuff while smiling and saying, "Hold your breath."