Hot Yoga, Anyone?

Yesterday my mom and I went to a hot yoga class in Fullerton at Purple Dog yoga. I have wanted to do this for at least two years and I finally took the time to go. I keep thinking that I need to do as much physically as possible before I have surgery and chemo.
My mom picked me up and we headed to downtown Fullerton. We checked in at the desk with a very kind girl who let us know that we should set up our mats in the back away from the mirror. Well, of course I don't want to be in front of the mirror-who wants to sweat and hang upside down in more than one view in a room full of strangers.
The instructor was very kind, she welcomed us to class and let us know that she would help us throughout class.
The room was comfortably warm and immediately I began to relax and let the anxieties of the day melt away. We began with some basic poses that warmed up the body and made you feel like rubber. Slowly the intensity went up with push-ups, down dog, up dog, forward bend(i do not know the yoga terminology) and all the other fluid poses. Before I knew it sweat was pouring off of me and stinging my eyes. Mom was having a little trouble, but she was a trooper. There were all different fitness levels in the room which made me feel better. There wasn't any pressure, just a feeling of peace and hard work combined. We left the class feeling exhilarated and spent. We must have drank a gallon of water after and I woke up today pleasantly sore and ready to go again.

Stop Reading About What You Cannot Fix

I keep searching the internet for more information about diagnosis, treatment, and recurrence. I do not meet with the surgeons until Thursday, June 2nd so I won't know the extent of my diagnosis until I meet with them. Has it spread to my lymph nodes? What stage is it? I know what grade it is, but there is so much more. I keep reading these stories from women about their experiences, but all of our bodies are unique and respond differently. I am really freaked out and can only go one day at a time.

If I cancer, then why am I so lucky?

The Results Are In

On Thursday evening I had Open House for my classroom and my own children. I left about 6:00 to open the room and fluff it all up. It was a surreal night. I was talking to parents about novels we read, reminiscing with my students, enjoying the fellowship of it all. In the back of my mind was this nagging little voice would I be here next year? would i see these children grow from 6th to 8th grade? What path would I be taking? It was really like a double rainbow moment-What does it all mean? Well I left there that night ready to take on the next step when I noticed a new email from Kaiser. I am online with them and it said I had a message from a nurse. She had tried to call at 6:20 but our house phone was unable to take messages-she would call tomorrow. I called and emailed her back asking her to please call my cell phone, I would be available anytime she needed. That night we lay in bed looking up biopsy results, questions to ask after a biopsy, and treatment options. I slept poorly but got up, went to work, and waited. My phone rang around 10 o'clock, but it was my mother-in-law calling to tell me she loved me. The nurse called a little after 11 and I walked out of my class to take the call. She asked if I had somewhere private to talk and I told her yes, but my husband would really like to be there. Until this point I had really pushed him out of my appointments and went it alone. He did not want me to do that and so we opted to go to her office at 2 o'clock. I went to tell Beth-we cried together but figured that we could fight whatever it was. Then I went back to my class told my two friends and got ready to go. It was strange but I still wanted to get ready for Tuesday-post all the homework, make copies, look over the lesson plans and make small adjustments. Then I left with Chase-who was on furlough day and headed home. My mom agreed to pick up the kids and away we went. Christian and I were driving down South and I felt so sick. My throat started to close up and I felt like I was going to barf. My breath was erratic and my mind kept spinning around and around. We stopped for lunch at Red Robin-veggie burger for me. My mind settled a little with the conversation and choice of mundane menu items. We went to Best Buy to get an iPad2 case and then off to the doctor's office. I checked in with nervous anticipation. When she walked out I didn't want to look at her. This was my grim reaper come to tell me what was wrong with me. Yet, she wasn't a grim reaper, just a really nice woman not too much older than me with a kind smile and a pink office. She sat us down and let us know that yes I had cancer-INVASIVE LOBULAR CARCINOMA-ohhhhhhhkaaaayyyyy. My head was spinning, tears started to fall, I grabbed my husbands hand and waited for the rest. The mass is about 4cm in size, grade 1(slow growing), and Her2u negative. The news went from bad to a little better.
Next step, let's ask some questions-oh, you can't answer any? The surgeon will tell us? When is that? Why do I want to do that? What are my treatment options? My little list form the American Cancer Society went out the door with her answers-but...
Would I like to take part in their new breast center clinic? I would meet with three surgeons at once-general surgeon, surgical oncologist, and plastic surgeon. They would look at all my information at 11:30am and I would meet with them all at 1:30. Well, I asked why wouldn't I? Alison said I would have to pay three co-pays for the meeting, okay, any other drawback? No. Let's do it then. So I am waiting for Thursday, June 2nd to meet with them so I can move forward.

The Biopsy Confusion

Mammogram=Playdough

First Doctor's Appointment

What the ???????

So two weeks ago I was standing in front of the refrigerator trying to decide what to have for an early afternoon snack. Do I have the nachos with jalapenos or something else? I knew I was going to ruin my dinner but I figured I could banish some calories later. I was already doing bootcamp at 5:30am everyday I could swing it. I placed my hand on my chest trying to determine what I really wanted when I felt this strange lump.Uh-oh, what was this? I swallowed my fear picked up the phone and with a shaking fear called the doctor's office. I have Kaiser Permanente for insurance and I was calling at 6:00pm. Of course I got stuck in voice mail land and it took about 5 minutes to navigate my way out of it. The first available appointment was two weeks away so I had to press "0" and talk to a human. I explained to her that I felt a strange lump on my chest and she got me in the next day...