Insanity

First it was a cheesy version of an elliptical, then it was Billy Blank's Tae Bo, and lastly the P90X. I thought I was through with infomercial workout gadgets and gizmos. Who needs them? I love to run, bootcamp is the best workout I have ever done, and training for a triathlon keeps the boredom at bay(although after watching Shark Week I might rethink all ocean swimming). Needless to say I have fallen victim to another one of the infamous infomercial promises of improved health, six-pack abs, and a lean physique.
I bought the Insanity DVD system on Amazon last week. I could blame it on the chemotherapy and how rotten I felt. I thought to myself that this DVD would make me feel better for sure. The people on the commercial were fit, energetic, smiling-not a cancer patient in sight. The first workout was really a challenge-it was opening the front door to sign for the package. The second workout left me feeling weak and clumsy-that was just getting the box opened and reading the list of workouts. Who was I kidding? The most strenuous activity I have done in the last two weeks was to walk to Nana's house accompanied by Elijah and Italia. The 1.6 mile walk took us 25 minutes. I think we were definitely trying to keep up with the snails on the street.
Apparently I have not fooled my husband. He asked if I could send it back the minute he saw the box. Stubbornly I refused to send it back. I thought to myself, I need this workout. This will make me feel like the Lance Armstrong of cancer survival. Lance Armstrong? Really? I know, I now, but it could happen. Just the other day my brother-in-law Josh wanted to know when I would get my super powers. He said that Spiderman got them right away when he was bit by the spider. I told Josh that my superpowers would come when my hair grows back.
I realize now that I do have superpowers that other people are sadly lacking. First of all I have an amazing husband. Who else would watch three hours of VH1's greatest rock songs hosted by Bret Michael's after a chemo treatment? I stayed awake for numbers 100-95, but I missed the final five. My fabulous husband informed that Guns N Roses was number one in case you missed it. Second superpower is a family that just rocks. My sister-in-law Beth calls to check up on me and just be my anchor. Then of course there is always the fun when Darryl leaves his phone out and Christian hacks his FB which sends a slew of posts that make me cry with laughter. My mom and dad who have always been supportive and giving have achieved hero status. Mom braved Magic Mountain with Chase and his friend for 12 hours. Grandpa won every animal at the fair for Italia(small fortune spent-priceless pictures). Nana and Papa have been solid and I think Nana prayed in every church in Europe for me-she even used Holy water. Sally Kim-well she is just the whole kit and caboodle. She creates really fabulous food that will for sure put the weight back on me. She prays for me, sends me scripture, and is helping me get a second opinion from the best cancer fighting doctors in the world. What more could I ever ask for? My last super power is my friends. Without them I would wallow and that is not good for cancer.
When I was drafting this in my head today it began a little morosely. I was feeling down this last week. Sometimes I think this is bad. I have cancer. I saw the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love yesterday. In one scene the people at Steve Carell's office are worried because they think he has cancer. When they realize he's just getting a divorce there is a huge sigh of relief. "Don't worry, it's not cancer, just a divorce. It's not cancer" his boss yells. I wish I could yell, "It's not cancer!"Soon I will be able to yell, "I am cancer free." That will be my ultimate superpower. I will kick this cancer in the booty!