On Thursday evening I had Open House for my classroom and my own children. I left about 6:00 to open the room and fluff it all up. It was a surreal night. I was talking to parents about novels we read, reminiscing with my students, enjoying the fellowship of it all. In the back of my mind was this nagging little voice would I be here next year? would i see these children grow from 6th to 8th grade? What path would I be taking? It was really like a double rainbow moment-What does it all mean? Well I left there that night ready to take on the next step when I noticed a new email from Kaiser. I am online with them and it said I had a message from a nurse. She had tried to call at 6:20 but our house phone was unable to take messages-she would call tomorrow. I called and emailed her back asking her to please call my cell phone, I would be available anytime she needed. That night we lay in bed looking up biopsy results, questions to ask after a biopsy, and treatment options. I slept poorly but got up, went to work, and waited. My phone rang around 10 o'clock, but it was my mother-in-law calling to tell me she loved me. The nurse called a little after 11 and I walked out of my class to take the call. She asked if I had somewhere private to talk and I told her yes, but my husband would really like to be there. Until this point I had really pushed him out of my appointments and went it alone. He did not want me to do that and so we opted to go to her office at 2 o'clock. I went to tell Beth-we cried together but figured that we could fight whatever it was. Then I went back to my class told my two friends and got ready to go. It was strange but I still wanted to get ready for Tuesday-post all the homework, make copies, look over the lesson plans and make small adjustments. Then I left with Chase-who was on furlough day and headed home. My mom agreed to pick up the kids and away we went. Christian and I were driving down South and I felt so sick. My throat started to close up and I felt like I was going to barf. My breath was erratic and my mind kept spinning around and around. We stopped for lunch at Red Robin-veggie burger for me. My mind settled a little with the conversation and choice of mundane menu items. We went to Best Buy to get an iPad2 case and then off to the doctor's office. I checked in with nervous anticipation. When she walked out I didn't want to look at her. This was my grim reaper come to tell me what was wrong with me. Yet, she wasn't a grim reaper, just a really nice woman not too much older than me with a kind smile and a pink office. She sat us down and let us know that yes I had cancer-INVASIVE LOBULAR CARCINOMA-ohhhhhhhkaaaayyyyy. My head was spinning, tears started to fall, I grabbed my husbands hand and waited for the rest. The mass is about 4cm in size, grade 1(slow growing), and Her2u negative. The news went from bad to a little better.
Next step, let's ask some questions-oh, you can't answer any? The surgeon will tell us? When is that? Why do I want to do that? What are my treatment options? My little list form the American Cancer Society went out the door with her answers-but...
Would I like to take part in their new breast center clinic? I would meet with three surgeons at once-general surgeon, surgical oncologist, and plastic surgeon. They would look at all my information at 11:30am and I would meet with them all at 1:30. Well, I asked why wouldn't I? Alison said I would have to pay three co-pays for the meeting, okay, any other drawback? No. Let's do it then. So I am waiting for Thursday, June 2nd to meet with them so I can move forward.
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